Saturday, April 21, 2018

The Hobbit: There And What-The-Hell Again

Internet critic Lindsay Ellis has just completed an impressive three-part retrospective autopsy (for lack of a better term) of the regretfully bloated Hobbit film trilogy (2012-2014).

Lindsay, along with several actors and filmmakers connected to the New Zealand film industry, gives the clearest picture yet of how this cinematic misfire came about and the surprising amount of damage it brought to New Zealand.




Wednesday, April 11, 2018

Godzilla Meets Pacific Rim... In Poster Form!

Facebook is a confusing and inefficient distraction, equally terrible for archiving articles, that wastes time and this would still be true even if said networking service wasn't openly selling your search data and personal information.

NO! You can wear the tinfoil hat! I'm bitter!

With that factual gag now out of the way, I will admit that one of the better Facebook pages that I follow is Gormaru Island, a giant monster-based news-stream overseen by the always diligent Gormaru Omega (real-name is currently unknown but Facebook promised me that I can get it for a bargain price so stay tune).

Unless Gormaru Omega requests otherwise (or threaten to sell my search history that he can buy off from Facebook's info dealers), I'll be sharing the more intriguing news-bites from his fantastic page on my blog, mainly for archiving purposes, starting off with the first official crossover between Godzilla and Pacific Rim!

Don't get TOO excited... It's just an official visual collaboration in movie poster form.

Godzilla: Look at all these nifty action figures I just bought!

FROM GORMARU ISLAND, originally posted on 4/11/2018, 1:53 AM:

"GODZILLA: City on the Edge of Battle" and "Pacific Rim Uprising" Storm An Official Visual Collaboration Together

The collaboration was produced in commemoration of the continuous theatrical films released from both series, which for Godzilla is the second anime film "Godzilla: City on the Edge of Battle". And for Pacific Rim is the second film installment, "Pacific Rim Uprising".

The visual collaboration was illustrated by Hidetaka Tenjin. A professional talent classified as a sci-fi illustrator and freelancer artist. He has also worked in various anime productions as a mechanical, texture, and special effects artist. Involved in properties such as "MACROSS", "Gundam Evolve", "Hellsing Ultimate", and more! As well as having done videogame box-art illustration work for franchise games such as Mobile Suit Gundam and MACROSS.

From the visual, GODZILLA Earth from the Godzilla Anime Trilogy, and the new generation of Jaegers from Pacific Rim Uprising, cross properties with each other. In what will be one of the most awesome and fitting crossovers to emerge from the kaiju genre.

One of the directors of the Anime GODZILLA series, Kobun Shizuno, went on to say that such a collaboration was something that he'd like to see on screen someday.

(((If it's an anime film that we're talking, then we'd love to see that too!)))

"Pacific Rim Uprising" will hit Japan's market on April 13, 2018. The second Godzilla anime film, "GODZILLA: City on the Edge of Battle", will be released in Japan on May 18, 2018.

Original Japanese News Link: https://natalie.mu/eiga/news/277557

Sunday, April 1, 2018

Review All Movies Is Finally Here!

Here it is! The most glorious movie review podcast series in the history of the universe is finally here at last. You're ALL welcome.



Huge thanks to friends and film researchers Jason Brown, Daniel Roach, Sandra Alucard, Eric Hurd, Lucas Gabat, Jack H. Hogson, Peter Serafinowicz, Tyler Shewchuk, Kevin Derendorf, Gail Linda Lewis, and M.A.R.C. for gathering the film titles used in this video which can also be viewed below:

Locomotive Moves Towards Camera
Couple Dances On Camera
Dog Looks Into Camera
Kids Swim In Water For The Camera
Old Crone Washes Dishes For The Camera
Sensual Arab Woman Belly Dances For The Camera
Paint Drying For The Camera
Grass Grows For The Camera
An Octopus Sleeps For The Camera
Clouds Move In Wind For The Camera
Hispanic Monks Do Backflips At Gunpoint For The Camera
Norma Desmond Looks At You Through The Camera
Old Crone Washes Dishes For The Camera 2: Wash Harder
Nothin’ Really Happens On Camera
The Great Barn Hootenanny
The Sinful Robbing Of A Train
Norma Desmond Is The Goddess Of The Screen
The Little Dutch Boy Who Saved Pittsburgh
It Came from Canada
Death by Stupidity
Norma Desmond Saves The Puny Dutch Boy
The Night The Reindeer Died
The Adventures of Mister Negro
Norma Desmond Saves The Reindeer
The Year Of Five Seasons
Fritz Lang’s Big Futuristic City
The Year Of Norma Desmond
The Silent Mute
The Four Seasons Of Norma Desmond
Mister Negro Goes To Town
The Royal Rascal
Norma Desmond Is The Royal Queen
Count Orgoff, The Jewish-Looking Vampire
Attack of the Centaur Women
Day of the Weasel
When Dinosaurs Cooled the Earth
The Golem vs. the Mechanical Thugs
Survival of the Dimmest
Norma Desmond, Vampire Hunter
The Orchid Thief
Norma Desmond Saves Hollywood From Itself
The Witches Of Lawndale
The Giant Stegosaur Who Ate The Big Apple
Norma Desmond, Dinosaur Slayer
Professor Julius Tannen's Talking Pictures Demonstration Film
Norma Desmond Presnest Professor Julius Tannen Is A Big Fat Charlatan!
The Musical Singer
The First Talkie Movie
Another Talking Feature
Catch Them Eskimos, The First Talkie Comedy!
Behold! Norma Desmond Speaks!
The Fall of the House of Usher
Midgets On The Moon
The Duelling Cavalier
The Curious Case Of The Southern Vapors
The Purple Rose Of Cairo
Joe Louis Meets Frankenstein
Massacre in Flatworm Flats
Sins of Madame Mantis
My Face Is Made Of Skin
Norma Desmond Sings Better Than Don Lockwood
The Phantom Creaks
Cat and the Canadian
Abbott and Costello Meet King Kong
The Ape Who Challenged Chicago
The Fall of the House of Usher II: Sink Even Deeper
Authoritarianism: The Golden Future Of America
Slap My Bottom And Call Me Daisy!
The Tap Dancing Fool
W Is For Woman
Monday Is Unfun
Waiter, There's Coke In My Coke!
Norma Desmond, Queen Of Hollywood
Ten Little Rabbis
Norma Desmond's Revenge
The Man Who Said Ouch
Angels With Filthy Souls
King Cod
Norma Desmond Versus King Kong And Wins Too!
The White Goddess Of Canada
Angels With Even Filthier Souls
Norma Desmond Burns Hollywood Down: A Grand Farewell
Tilly Tallman, The Duke Of Limbs
My Left Foot Ran Away
G-Men Ghosts
Frankenstein Conquers Broadway
A Room With No View

The Eradication Of The Irishman: A Government Sanctioned Training Film In Ten Parts

Here Comes Jimbo
The Amazing World Of Kevin Derendorf
Return of the Thinner Man
Cow-Handed Fred
Jimbo Flys Again
My Dog, The G-Man
I Bury The Dead
The Carl Brothers In Automobile Antics
Thar She Blows
Abbott and Costello Meet The Hunchback
Jimbo Meets The Creep
Jimbo In The Navy
Son of Fu Manchu
The Vampire Dame

Intelligence, Enemy Of The Common Man - A Government Sanctioned Training Film In Ten Parts

Death’s Head Upon A Mop-Stick
The Daffy Deviations of Dr. Don't
The Dentist of Dracula
Jaws of the Werewolf
They Hunt in the Dark 
Attack of the Hyena Men!
There's a Fat Guy Stuck In The Cheese Vat
The Fussbudget Must Be Destroyed
The 15 Lovers Of Miss Blue
The Waxwork Weirdo
The Well Lit House
Chuckle Head Ed
The Biggest Boner
The Mummy's Matchmaker
Daniel Roach And His Mermaid Comedy Revue
Ghost of Kong
Son of Ygor
I Married A Black Woman And I'm Totally Alright With That
Whimper of the Werewolf
Shed of Frankenstein
The Cat Crouches
My Sassy Oriental Girlfriend
The Invisible Man Departs
The Milkman Kills At Night
The Headless Handyman
Lucas Gabet Is On The Case
Marihuana Mayhem
The 15 Divorces Of Miss Blue
The Creature of Kwyjibo Lake
The Mormons Strike Back
Shadow of the Cat Lady
Global Warming And Pollution: A Serious Threat For Our Future World
The Foggy Brute
Revenge of the Mormons
Moby Dick Meets The Loch Ness Monster
Gorillas On Broadway
The Naked Woman Moons At Night
The Cave Beast
Sam Spade: Professional Greedy Guts
Terror of the Mecca Mormons
Son of Moby Dick And The Loch Ness Monster
Rock Woodhard Goes West

The Cavemen And Their Heroic Struggles Against The Saber-Toothed Smilodon Cats Of Prehistoric Brazil

The Lost Friday
Enter the Mormon
All Hat And No Cattle
There's A Spider On Your Shoulder!
Gentleman of Four Outs
Sugar Daddies The Musical
The Terror of Regular Sized Town
Do The Ice Age Shuffle
No, Seriously, There's A Goddamn Spider On Your Shoulder!
Eric Hurd On Monster Island
Dracula's Cat
Son of the Cave Beast
The Chiropractor Always Cracks Twice
Tyler Shewchuk, Nephew Of Tarzan
The Devious Doctor Radium
Al Capone Is a Swell Guy
The Big Clam
How To Kill Your Mother-In-Law
Psychics' Get-together With Gubfield Queerborn
Kiss Me, Fatty!
Calling Doctor Camebert
The Magical Banjo of Charley Barley
Five Hours Of Sir Monty Pembury-Winchester Screaming Into The Night
The Secret Urine Detective
You Should Have Taken The Piss Out Of Me, Bub!
The Danny Dumpo Comedies (A Series Of 75 British Shorts)
The Secret Potato Garden of Betty Cumberdale
Tony, The Six Month Old Gangster
Mars Is No Place For A Dame
The Sharpest Scissors In All Of Aragorn
Bulimia Beaumont In Hair For Sale
Journey To The Center of The Sun
Manthony Popkin's Tales Of The Sleazy Night
Ghost of Planet X
The Angriest Saxophone In The World
Abbott And Costello Meet Themselves
Kali Takes A Holiday
Night of the Mormons
Gail Linda Lewis And Her American Travelogues
The Day Horrors
The Illusion of Sanity
The Temptress in the Plaid Apron
Ten Minutes 'til Bedtime
The Knock at the Screen Door
The Tail that Wags the Cradle
The Wind Whispered Boredom
Riddle Misunderstood
A Waste of a Good Afternoon
Genius Undisciplined
The Biscuit Incident: A Tale Based On True Events
Robert Mosley Versus The Robot Men
My Neighbor The Flasher
Wife of the Wolfman
Attack of Hitler's Brain
The Shape Of Lava
The Murderist
I Was Fondled By Frisky Spiders

All Hail Our Incoming Masters The Stone Giants - A Government Sanctioned Training Film In Ten Parts

Attack Of The 50 Foot Foot
Knight Of The Living Room
Godzilla Vs Boring Old Zombies
The Snow Devil Who Loved Me
The Mutants of 2051 AD
Lucas Lee The Action Doctor
The Music Man Meets Dracula
Jason Brown Is A Man About Town
It Came... From PLANET EARTH!
It Came... To Eat Brains
The Beast from the Primordial Ooze
Mant!
Codename: Dragonfly
Gaydar: The Most Unfortunately Named Monster
The Silver Eyes of Hair-Bot-001
*The Beach of Hubanta Tabbotee
Invasion of the Venus Vixens
The Brain That Ate Manhattan!
It Came To Eat... Even More Brains
Attack of The Dog Man
The Son of the Dog Man
I Was A Teenage Gorgon
Vampires of Mars
The Day The Dinosaurs Devoured Detroit
Bride from the Black Lagoon
*Elvis Meets Godzilla: Battle Of The Jumbo Kings
The Very Large Guy From Outer Space
Space Sharks and the Women who Love Them
Frogalanche
Those
The Day the Earth Stood Stiff
The Vole People
Earth vs. the Tiger
The Brawling Eye
Welcome To Sir Huge Dash-Hyphen's Royal Orgy, Volume One
Welcome To Sir Huge Dash-Hyphen's Royal Orgy, Volume Two
Welcome To Sir Huge Dash-Hyphen's Royal Orgy, Volume Three
Norma Desmond Comes Back From Retirement! Praise Her! Praise Her!


Thursday, January 11, 2018

The Shape of Water Review

Can a relationship between a woman and a fish-man work on the big screen? Can KaijuNoir and Raf Enshohma keep the silly inter-species sex jokes to a minimum?

Find out in our podcast review for Guillermo del Toro's latest film, The Shape of Water (2017).

Sunday, January 7, 2018

Shout Outs: Doctor Who Reviews

Shout Outs is where I showcase works from other independent creators such as artists I know from DeviantART or producers from YouTube. Expect a lot of these throughout 2018 because I cannot vouch for the availability of my own original works around here anymore.

Today, we have Richard D. Carrier's fantastic series of fan-made documentaries looking back at the history of the long-running Doctor Who franchise.

Unlike the simple v-logs found on the subject, Richard's videos are on par with the special features from official Doctor Who releases and educational for those wishing to get into the older series that ran from from November 23rd, 1963 until December 6th, 1989.

Support Richard at his Facebook page FOUND HERE.

Doctor Who Review, Part 1 - Introduction and Overview:




Doctor Who Review, Part 2 - The William Hartnell Era:




Doctor Who Review, Part 3 - The Patrick Troughton Era:




Doctor Who Review, Part 4 - The Jon Pertwee Era:




Doctor Who Review, Part 5 - The Tom Baker Era:




Clearly, Richard's retrospective is far from completed and I'll share each new entry as they are posted along with updating this same article.

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Caltiki, The (Not So) Immortal Video Collection!

It's October, the month of Halloween, so what better time than to share some of the more macabre giant monster movies ever made, starting with tonight's featured film Caltiki The Immortal Monster (1959)

The story concerns a team of archaeologists investigating Mayan ruins who come across a deadly creature that is a shapeless amorphous blob. They manage to defeat it using fire while keeping a surviving sample of the creature which, ultimately, leads to more death and destruction when the archaeologists return to Mexico City.

You can read more about Caltiki through this well-written review from the blog-site Cool Ass Cinema.

Here's the trailer to wet your gooey appetites:



Alternative upload of the trailer, just in case:



Here's the feature-length film itself:



An alternate upload of the same film because, again, we're dealing with YouTube here:



If you enjoyed the film than I'd recommend the recent Blu-ray release from Arrow Video which, as you'll see in this ad, is teaming with bonus features:



And, lastly, a humorous second opinion from Dark Corners Reviews:



Thursday, May 18, 2017

Marc Tucker Reviews: Emerson, Lake, and Palmer - Once Upon a Time in South America

EMERSON, LAKE, & PALMER - Once Upon a Time in South America
4-CD Set, 2015 / Rock Beat
Review written by Marc Tucker - May 16th, 2017

ELP went through a number of phases. Essentially the New Nice, the threesome carried on Keith Emerson’s progressive and neoclassicalist visions much more thunderously, making the trio a byword for progrock, launching the group in the upper reaches of the prog stratosphere. One cannot even mention progressive music without referring to ELP and a couple dozen other bands. Keith was one of the three greatest keyboardists rock ever engendered, the others being Jon Lord and Rick Wakeman, all now sadly passed on. It was a shocking day when Emerson committed suicide, but this epic release, a four disc set of a nearly 25-year old reunion tour is one of the keys to his story. I’ll tackle that first.

ELP peaked with Brain Surgery Salad and then began a slow elegant quasi-neoclassicalist decline with Works, Vols. 1 & 2 (1977), bombing disastrously only a year later with Love Beach (1978), a wretched collection of opuses, followed a full 14 years later (1992) by Black Moon, an attempt to crawl back from the Beach and onto dry land. I know what happened, as do all sensible prog-hedz: the lads had tried to expand into the pop arena, where the real money was. Genesis, after all, was beginning to turn the trick (of the tail) into what would be a huge success, but Keith and the lads should’ve spoken to Gentle Giant, who’d tried and died on the same grounds. From Beach forward, ELP would never again attain to its erstwhile primacy.

What’s rarely mentioned, certainly not in this generous release’s weak liner notes nor anywhere else, is that, after this south-of-the-border tour, Keith was forced to take a year hiatus due to an unidentified form of arthritis similar to “writer’s cramp”. His bio, Pictures of an Exhibitionist, tells of a surgery that finally allowed him to, in 2002, regain full use of his hands, playing to strengths, once more. However, less than a decade later (2010), a colonoscopy revealed a dangerous lower-colon polyp. By the time of his death (2016), it was found he also suffered from a heart condition and depression aggravated by alcoholism.

The muses can be exceedingly kind to artists for a while…but they’re also notoriously fickle bitches, disdainful, vengeful, sociopathic.

That all said, we’re now prepared for the music on this sprawling nearly-5-hour previously unavailable diary of a too-brief three days (April 1, 5, & 16, 1993) in Santiago (Chile) and Buenos Aires, (Argentina). Think of Once Upon a Time as a very well recorded bootleg, something the group and label were refusing to issue for whatever odd reason until now but which you’re now suddenly slaveringly privy to. Think of it in line with Yes’ recent Progeny and King Crimson’s Road to Red and Starless box sets, but much later in time, as, like that trio of gems, it contains many repeated songs, and that’s precisely what we bootleg fanatix tremble for!

The 16:17 melange, “Fanfare for the Common Man / America / Rondo” (disc 4) is a long drink from the Nice’s fountain-of-youth apogee harking back to its incredible Elegy (released in ’71 but recorded in ’69) rendition of “America”, still one of the most riveting cover opuses prog can boast of, a cut I aver John Cage and Karlheinze Stockhausen must have heard and smiled upon (if not, I’m sending ‘em the YouTube extract via a couple of rogue angels I know). This carries into “Karn Evil 9, 1st Impression, Part 2” and then “Hoedown” with a completely different mutation of the Dick Hyman “Minotaur” lift that blew my mind on Welcome Back, My Friends, to the Show That Never Ends. The extract continues on “Lucky Man” as well.

Even the songs I’m not nuts about in the studio renditions (WAY too sugary!), that post-’78 period, come across nicely here, more refined, often with somewhat differing arrangement, as evidenced by “Paper Blood” (disc 1) with its flashy jazz-rock organ solos, and, yes, it and its brethren are frequently powerful but not as in days of olde, as with the original Tarkus LP (and the “Tarkus” track recurs 3X through this set). “Black Moon” plods a trifle, but “Close to Home”, a solo piano piece, is, if you want to look at it that way, a continuo on the Nice’s Five Bridges Suite and Pathetique explorations. “Creole Dance”, a solo work with a debt to Ginastera, just about Emerson’s fave composer if not the, continues his virtuosity, showing, though an absence was ominously impending, he still had highly impressive chops. Once again, we’re dancing on the golden bridge from the Nice to ELP’s inauguration. The crowd, by the way, goes NUTS!!

Greg Lake is his usual self, bass and guitar work more than satisfactory though his voice comes close to cracking many times. Was he suffering from a cold? Had his pompous haughtiness caught up with him? Carl Palmer of course has always demonstrated perfection in percussionistics and this gatherum is no exception. That guy is indefatigable and never makes wrong choices.

Now for something a tad different: on the back cover of Edward Macan’s behemoth and definitive volume on ELP, Endless Enigma, you’ll find a quote from my OpEdNews days: “The gargantuan Endless Enigma emerges as the first and last word on ELP while echoing the entire genre as a contextual backdrop; no music aficionado of any stripe should be without it”. That, however, was not the whole quote, which originally read this way:

“Despite the treacley gushing of progrock crtics, who tend exalt anything even vaguely progressive no matter its massive deficits, there are those who write with clearheaded and well-researched vigor, and Edward Macan is one of these rare individuals, so rest assured you’re in good hands. The gargantuan Endless Enigma emerges as the first and last word on ELP while echoing the entire genre as a contextual backdrop; no music aficionado of any stripe should be without it”.

Eddie and Open Court Books decided to delete that first passage because it was feared I’d render offense to other critics. Oh heavens!! Well, good grief, of course! I’m a critic, not a pom-pommette like 99% of my “compeers”. Regardless, I cite the incident to mention that the individual who penned the notes to Once Upon a Time is too frequently way off base, and I advise consumers to ignore it lest their sanity suffer irreparably. Progrock has first and foremost suffered from its critics, not its fans, and there are damned few truly comprehensive, very well-written, and exhaustive treatises in the genre, but, if you dig proglit, after listening to Once Upon a Time in South America, grab that mammoth museum of artifacts. Clear your calendar for a week or two, you’ll need it, and Once Upon will serve as soundtrack, so you’ll never even notice the time passing.